He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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