The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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