you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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