"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So here I am, sexting at work.
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