I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
