need another drink. this is the easiest way
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
