I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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