New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
