If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
