can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
