he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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