Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
