Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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