It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
