I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
