I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
how do flat chested girls get laid?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just had sex on a roof
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You don't make any sense
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