lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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