I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
