omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
