he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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