Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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