i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
