Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
