i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
