i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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