The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
