i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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