Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
