the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
