I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize