i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
