Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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