Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
