I hope mine doesn't look like that
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
