I wish I could punch you in the face.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
