He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
