lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
