3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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