Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
