Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
