I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
