planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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