The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
