Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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