We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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