Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
did you just send me my own nude
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
