I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
