I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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