This dress was meant to end up on your floor
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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