I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
