I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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