It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
