So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
