Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
