so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
