Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
