I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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