can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
