I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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