Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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