Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
