If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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