Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
