omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
