there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
