they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
