I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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