I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
