I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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